I think he’s dead, sir

•June 6, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Today, I will leave behind a legacy, which like 5 people read and liked. I think.

JOTS was good in the fact that it brought more posts than my old blog (thanks to another Jonathan writing) and it also threw in some non-soccer/football posts. I think that was good… But due to moving/job stuff changing the viability of posting here, I’m moving on. Cheers to the other Johnny, and definitely let me know when ou can be back in binness.

Anyway, I am moving on to a personal Tumblr blog. A link will be sent out via FB/Twitter and all that good stuff

For all the good times. JOTS for life! Well, not really, but you get what I’m saying.



World Cup Ads!!!

•May 27, 2010 • Leave a Comment

"I fookin 'ate PIKEYS!" - every character in Snatch except Brad Pitt

Like a fat and/or European person watching the Super Bowl, I too absolutely love and look forward to all the ads that spring up around World Cup time.

Here are some diamonds, and maybe a rough or two, along with my favorite part(s) listed:

Favorite part: pretty much the whole damn thing, this could be the best ad ever. Have to go for Rooney whoopin Federer at ping-pong and pikey-bearded Rooney.

Fav: “Kitheth..no not for me, on the sthirt!” bahaha

Fav: gotta be the Banksy-style pic of Sir Bobby, doesn’t it? This makes me feel as proud/patriotic (for England) as countless WWII movies and a packed stadium with the Star Spangled Banner playing makes me glad to be from the best country on Earth (America).

Fav: prob my least favorite commercial, pretty heavy on the cheese. Funniest part is Messi lost in the long grass and the lion (tiger? rabid band of meerkats?) growl. Also: Akon reminds me of every bad ringtone on the planet.

Fav: KELLY. BROOK. fwwaaar. Um, I mean, Scottish legend Kenny Dalglish cheering “USA USA USA!”


Fav: The Japanese (pretty sure) jumping over the ad board. And Roger Milla- he was THIRTY-EIGHT when he scored that winner.

All for now


Pictures of the Week #2

•May 26, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Another installment of mad pictures

Ze Germans!

Turkish soccer fans are really expressive

Fierce chair fragments sent the police into siege mode...

My newest T-shirt

And a brilliant stare-off between world football’s blue-eye’dest of men:

USMNT coach Bob Bradley (old pic with hair)

ex-ref Pierluigi Collina, telling someone off

Who would explode this goat? Bobby or Pier?

From the movie that tried too hard.


The Day I Discovered EVERYONE Will Buy an iPad

•May 25, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Forget the fact the iPad sounds like a feminine hygiene product. They. Are. Cool.

BUY ONE! they're cooool

In passing conversation today at work, it dawned on me- everyone will own an iPad because of its inescapable coolness. I realized this as I spoke to “H”, an ex-military co-worker of mine (hence my constant references to “This is America”. You gotta know how to appeal to your audience.)

J: You want an Apple iPad!

H: No I don’t.

J: Now! You want an Apple iPad now!

H: No. I don’t.

J: It’ll be your portable porn portal!

H: My phone is that already.

J: Yeah, but this is faster. And bigger! This is America! Bigger is always better!

H: Why would I want that? I have a computer. And a cell phone. Why would I want something between that?

J: Cos there’s a hole there! A big hole between your phone and your computer.

H: I’m not getting one; I don’t want that.

J: Hear that? That’s the sound of derisive wind blowing through the hole. Whoooooo

H: I’ll spend my money on something way better than that.

J: Like one law school book? Which iPad would you get, the cheap one? That’s the one I’d get.

H: No way, I’d spend it on…

J: You’ll have one in law school. I’ll call you and you’ll say “there’s a Black’s Law Dictionary app!”

H: Absolutely not.

J; But they’re so cool!

H: You kids and your “cool” stuff.

J: America’s all about cool!

H: Whatever.

J: Like sunglasses! Steve McQueen!

H walks away

J:  James Dean!

My PhotoShop skillz are unrivaled


WC 2010

•May 20, 2010 • Leave a Comment

So I’m trying to stop this blog from dying a slow, lonely death like a mean stepdad in an old people’s home…

Something tells me it will arise from the ashes, phoenix-style, during the World Cup…

And the other Jonathan apparently had an accident with some lotion and a Chinese finger trap, thus keeping his attention and efforts away from the site…

Here’s a nostalgic look back at the defining moment of WC 2006. Even people in the South in America know of Zidane’s headbutt on Materrazzi… I was drunk at the time and this is what I saw:


Weekly Picture Special

•May 7, 2010 • Leave a Comment

As I can’t be bothered to get a real post up (that’s what he said!) I have some pictures of the week, instead:

In Dubai, when someone scores, they lose a contact lense.

In England, you stick 2 fingers up to flick someone off. Here, Texas' own Clint Dempsey does it bigger and better.

Iranian Women's National Team. I'd go watch a game just hoping to catch a flash of ankle. Hotttt

Oy, loik gimme sam munay, hoe! 'Zat right, Snoopy Dog? Yeah bruv!

Oy, loik gimme sam munay, hoe! 'Zat right, Snoopy Dog? Yeah bruv!

Context: Word is, Snoop “I Even Make Pornos” Doggy Dog is best mates with David “My Balls Are Gold” Beckham. After shooting an Adidas commercial together, Snoop plans to “teach Dave to rap”. Snoop’s two kids look about as amused as I do at this news…

The "Don't Tread On Me" badge on the USA nat'l jerseys. Teabaggers- don't steal this symbol too.

I’ll have some good posts after my historic return to my alma mater, 2 years after graduating. I’m meeting up with one of my best friends who just got back to the US from being deployed in Haiti. Here’s his insight into preparing for the trip:

“You should have seen the look on the poor woman’s face. She didn’t know what to make of this skinny young soldier sweating profusely standing before her in mirrored aviators and fishing shorts. Who buys this kind of stuff at 3:00pm on a Thursday, for God’s sake!? A man on a 500 mile pilgrimage to Rome [GA], that’s who.

A fifth of bourbon, a fifth of rum, a bottle of sleeping pills, a bottle of caffeine pills and plenty of sunflower seeds. I’ve packed a full combat trauma kit, 7.62-resistant body armor and two quarts of emergency water. You can never be too careful when traveling through Georgia. After all, although I have a firearms* permit, the armory has refused to loan me any grenades or a machine gun for the journey; I’ll have to roll naked this time. Godspeed.”

*pronounced “Fah ahms”

I’ll have some updates from my trip- I’ll be staying with 4 friends who graduated college with me. They’re now graduating the school’s MBS program, but instead of going to the ceremony, they’re competing in a BBQ cookoff. They already have trophies. Get some!


I’d Waahtch It

•May 4, 2010 • Leave a Comment

"What could I use yas fah?"

from collegehumor.com